so apparently a side effect of prozac is weird and vivid dreams. they're weird and vivid alright.
i don't really remember how each event connected to each other so i'll just write it down as bullet points
HAD A NIGHTMARE THAT I TRIED TO DO WEED
had a nightmare that my father (or at least someone representing my father in the dream, not my actual dad) commit suicide and a bunch of stuff happened to make my life look like a game and have like a million sidequests so i could delay finding out about it as much as possible
i went to go see some relatives and somehow brought home a curse... if you were afflicted with some sort of physical condition, others who knew about it would be afflicted with it too. it started with my teeth getting wobbly (to note: i had too many teeth in the dream) and eventually falling out, which caused my family to start losing teeth as well. it wasn't that bad until i started losing large amounts (my condition got worse with time) and other bad stuff started happening such as more grevious injuries, miscarriages, respiratory problems etc. due to its spread through knowledge it got worse exponentially
eventually all my teeth were pretty much gone and people were dying left and right; we had to set up systems to try and isolate knowledge from each other as much as possible. it was pretty weird; i also kept all my teeth in a box full of water... as a good luck charm?
people afflicted with the curse also started glowing green a la video game quest style. anyhow i was pretty fucking relieved to wake up and have teeth
i posted a question on reddit and started getting death threats for it
was in an elevator when the cable snapped. after nearly falling to my death the elevator started sliding down the street; when mom asked me what happened i told her "you know how elevators usually go up and down? well this one's going left and right" which is a stupid fucking way of explaining it but when i woke up and explained my dream to mom i couldn't come up with a better way to describe it
i'm not sure how to describe this one
this is actually one of the more enjoyable dreams i've had in a very long time. it's long so i'll put it in bullet points
some other notes:
is this a sign from the universe not to kill myself? whatever it'd make a cool premise for an anime or something anyway
it sounds stupid when i describe it like this but it was probably one of the more horrifying dreams i've had in a long time; the gore was pretty graphic and there were a lot more gruesome details that i don't exactly remember
participated in some weirdo's game - there were 4 of these "sequences" which put us in different scenarios. i only remember the yellow and the blue one, though. the yellow one involved me and a bunch of other dudes on a cruise ship - there was a very specific set of instructions we had to follow to move around. the blue one took place in some cave system and had a shitload of societal commentary but i don't remember any of it. red one was hella weird but i don't recall anything about it. you know i kind of still get the idea of what happened but i don't know it well enough to describe it for you
woke up at 4 am to try and write down a dream i had. wrote "had performance" in my notes and nothing else
i do remember this one hotel called "the black sheep" that had all-unique rooms with different titles and features, and the least popular was this room called "turd" which was large and empty save for one small slide, and had the quirk that you were not allowed to stay in it for more than one night
there was this parasite fungus thing that would spread its spores among flowers and such. the flowers would then grow larger and taller to attract more animals feeding off of it, so the spores would transfer onto the animal. then it would consume the poor thing :( my family was trying to remove it with a tissue from plants in our backyard and i was thinking about whether it's fair or not to assign human morality to other creatures
i was also writing a sequel to my novel and i made two of the main characters have gay sex after one of them got run over by a car happy valentines day
this one's less about the dream and more about the experience i had after waking up - well, i do remember some parts of the dream so i'll write them here
there was lots of flying and glass breaking involved - also lots of discussion around rabbits, not all of them positive (unfortunately). ate at this one restaurant constantly. i didn't have great control over my flying but used it to skip checks and stuff where you'd otherwise need to pay. there was also this bit where we had to watch/enact some shitty drama film - that involved me climbing some electric tower and getting picked up from my friend's house at night by my mom. there was also a segment that involved me going to some park and following a path (which involved some fun water activities) and encoutered a creepy couple discussing the future of humanity... i think. there was also a debate about whether liking sparkling water was socially acceptable or not
part of the dream involved me getting to school via some creepy ass route (creepy as in i had to wander into some spooky woods and abandoned neighbourhoods) and getting a phone call from my mom that part of the house blew up. fortunately nobody was seriously hurt but i had to fight my way into the "pink" ward of the hospital for some reason to get treated myself???
in any case here's the weird bit. i woke up experiencing time slightly faster than usual. checked a clock with seconds. indeed.... was going faster indeed. also affected the tempo of the music i had playing in the background - sped up a little. pinched and slapped myself a few times to confirm i was not still dreaming. furthermore some details about my room changed such as the clock display on my lamp being differently coloured and my door being many shades darker than usual. i doubt it's anything too serious and probably just a result of my brain not processing info properly but in any case it's kinda funny, i guess. i've become unstuck in time....
i was talking with this one homeless guy with a "cocaine cat" that i ended up killing, i don't remember if it was on purpose or by accident but i do remember i made a boatload of excuses
he was fucking livid with me (as he should be); he called it his coke cat because they were there when he was still on drugs and was his only friend. i told him i thought he was someone else, who said they hated their cat, and i figured i'd be doing the guy a service by getting rid of it. he then asked me why the hell didn't i bother to check before killing his cat. i said i didn't know
all of this by the way took place in a police station. we were in a supervised chamber because he'd refuse to talk to me otherwise (understandable), and while i tried to explain myself the best i could he still wouldn't forgive me because i took away his only reason to live. even in the dream i was thinking if something similar happened to me, i don't think i'd be able to forgive the perpretrator either
my brother said he was too good for me and no longer wanted to associate with me whatsoever and he was ashamed to be my brother.... in the dream he was just somehow better in every way. i woke up crying to my mom and she told me i should go back to sleep and dream of slapping him in the face (i chose to harshly lecture him instead)
unfortunately i forgot the bulk of it but the gist was that i was the protagonist in some weird school show where people went by numbers instead of names. the opening theme song had this one line that i forgot how exactly was worded but went a little something like "everyone's got different digits but the same factors" or something referencing how our differences were only superficial and we were actually nothing new or exciting, but merely repeats of history that will be forgotten in time or i don't know. there was this sequence with these famous influential people but with prime numbers labeled on them. in the dream i woke up but was too depressed to go to class so i hung out in a warehouse instead. saw people try and organize our shit and constantly fucking up what belonged to who because they couldn't remember who we were. i was walking around trying to go my own way with an mp3 player in hand probably listen to some edgy fucking music (i was DEFINITELY the image of "emo rebellious teen" in that dream) and just overall kind of feeling sad about being so standard-issue. was by a lake which was significant for some reason. also the town we were in was called circuit
was in some altered version of my college when suddenly a bunch of stuff (esp. surrounding the surrounding geography) changed and nobody really talked about it. wanted to ask a few classmates but they kept saying they were too busy to talk to me. also there was tower defense but sort of scary
there are many ways to die involving filaments
this dream came in two parts. first one involved flying around rural areas trying to figure out some internet ARG that BOC (boards of canada not bank of canada) started.. it definitely pissed off a lot of people. i don't remember much about the specifics but it involved placing mysterious files around the web that sometimes were addressed directly to random users - i think they did it just for fun but it did have information about the eventual end of the world. i mean, apparently the internet's been looking everywhere for a lot of their early releases that were kinda "leaked" but only small snippets of them were... some people are starting to doubt that they exist at all which i find really funny. what if it's all just a massive prank LMAOOOO
man i don't even want to talk about the second part... i will anyway. i was going around finding jobs as a waiter in all sorts of different places (high-end hotels, random ass restaurants, libraries???????, a very sketchy game venue) just to... find nice. um. breasts to look at. yeah... i'm gay, by the way
i'd also like to add that boards of canada fans are actually completely nuts. you think pop star stans are bad? well BOC fans aren't bad in the ... harmful way... they're just a little off their rocker is all i can say
gist of this one was simple and was probably the scariest out of all the dreams i've had. went to some friends house, but those friends were twice my age (so like in their 30s). married couple with one small child. the father wanted a favour and since his wife had a miscarriage the last time they screwed, he wanted to make a baby with me instead (which by the way, typing this out makes me want to retch). his wife was aware of and agreed to let him do that, by the way. i agreed for some ungodly reason and i'll let you figure out what happened next. eventually my mom came to pick me up and i told her what happened. she was completely fucking pissed with me, partially because in 9 months i'd have to go abroad for college. she ended up taking a gun and killing both of the other adults. dream ended there and i woke up absolutely fucking disgusted
might go without saying but the idea of being knocked up is unfathomably gross and horrifying to me by the way. first time i've been legitimately scared by a nightmare, i guess
was in some class with a bunch of other people - to note was that we were doing a special excursion and what we were doing wasn't the focus of what our class was usually doing. it was a figure skating contest, i think. we were separated by gender and numbered, and our class was disproportionately female. i went into the guys group but i had a lot of restrictions on what i could wear (other students didn't), and if i broke them i'd get sent to the girls group. damn.
i discussed with my classmates about the commodification and commercialization of children, especially with stuff like child beauty pageants and shit, since we were fairly old compared to the other participants (we were 18-20) so our teacher/coach was really strict about our performance. whole time we were kind of talking about how absurd and pointless it all was since why the fuck were we competing against these toddlers anyway
there was this girl named orange (i'm not sure if she was in our group, i think she was a lot younger) who kind of abided by the rules and all that but eventually died of malnutrition. yikes!
was at school - was a little kid, i think. heard about a recent development in a war i don’t really understand but all i know is that my city was going to get bombed. went home on a school bus and talked about whether it was going to hurt or not. suddenly we all felt very nauseous and the bus broke down, so we had to go back home on foot carrying some pretty heavy bags (i don’t remember why we had those heavy bags though). shared some of my snacks with my friends. went home.
then there was a POV switch and i was in some sort of bunker facility with a bunch of other people. there was a series of rooms containing all sorts of weird and creepy beasts, most of them humanoid and they bit me a lot. unfortunately i don’t remember the exact nature of those creatures but they were fairly powerful and supernatural - this one species had a bunch of floating orbs around it. there was this spiral stairwell that was for making child sacrifice, and a bunch of children lining up to have samples taken out of their face like chunks. eventually we saw god, who was this green woman with massive wings, and she said she would protect us. it was nice but she had some words to say about how we were her favourite characters or some shit and she’d move us to a better story
this just reminded me of another portion of the dream - i just remembered it so i’m not too sure when it happened but i think it was on the bus. posted about my late rabbit on social media, then a few jerks were posting rude comments. bunch of other comments replied to the jerks telling them to kill themselves though
anyhow when i eventually made in back home there was this announcement from the president about the situation, which i guess i already made mental preparations for. went to my mom’s room and just started to cry and hug each other. began to hear a rumbling and feel some shaking
went downstairs to find my rabbit (he lives on the top floor right now but in the dream he was in the basement) only to find he was bleeding severely. got scared by the noise and hit his head several times. he bled out and died in my hands.
anyhow i was super happy to wake up
i finally looked through my notes and unearthed a bunch of stuff i wrote down there and never published here. some of them are near incomprehensible. enjoy
march 29, 2024, 7am
that one film where create and erase things . people got really darn powerful. there were courses and such on how to use it properly. the idea is that if you believe something of yourself or someone else it will come true. people used it to give money and such
hi however it was extremely dangerous because others opinions of you could affect you. so mmevery one in a while there would be monsters and if they spotted you then sorry
it came with a really popular video game where the same condos applied but if you grtbsbhcllll
if you can a okie a left for ykyk lkn
if you let your phone give you an alert for too long you die
it was essentially a simulation i just told mom i wasn’t feeling racist enough to play it
march 1st, 2024, 8 am
was talking with someone on discord. i thought they were upset with me because i was a really vulgar person. then they sent me a video
started off being some generic music video with a heartbroken dude but like a quarter through it transitioned into extremely intense gay porn and then.. back
it had a very deep story i guess. it was so much funnier in the dream by the way i could NOT stop laughing because they were playing this song in a grocery store or something…. and yes that was the official video of the song and i lost it
sept 16th, 2023, 6 pm
Woke up in a cold fucking sweat from this nightmare:
- first part wasn’t that bad, it was just me getting to know and hitting it off with some villain dude, good looking dude but somehow shorter than me (is this even possible?)
- was gonna get weird with him (mom was oddly supportive and just told me to use protection) but something happened and he had to go, so i had to go find leo who was also out doing something so he was conveniently around (was also gonna epically own howard by proving to him i got laid before he did)
- we tried to book a quick stay at the motel in the middle of nowhere but leo was being an asshole to the front desk clerk so the clerk asked me to do the booking instead
- sure thing and we get checked in
- leo has a horrible plan to turn people into peas and corn and mix them into a paste
- that night horrible screaming reverberates in the room and leo has started mixing the pea and corn people
- ryan out of all people shows up and starts crying saying that it’s wrong and then does this weird sequence turning into a junji ito type monster and leo does the same and they fuckign fight
- clerk sees this and rewinds time to before the incident happened
i got frightened by people pea soup
nightmare. i don’t remember what it’s about, just that i was really scared.
UPDATE I REMMEBER NOW (copypasted from a message i sent my friend, so the formatting’s a bit fucked):
let's start with the bit that i remember the best, which was this society i think that was run by two brothers, but they had very different views of what would've been the right way for earth to be it was some water planet now btw and like it was 50/50 between their visions, so let me kind of sum up what each guy stood for:
brother A was an environmentalist guy who wanted humans and nature to live in harmony and all that and made a lot of stuff relating to that, like the architecture i remember was very interesting, i'll try and draw it out when i can but it was a very organic yet unusual style. HOWEVER he was also some sort of weird fanatic obsessed with purifying the world or something and i think he might've been wanting to make some sort of hivemind
brother B is just. RAHHH DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY. like his portions of architecture were just complete wastelands, i think, but not just that, humans were i think stock or whatever, they were treated poorly. and like the environment was fucked and all that
AND I AND A GROUP OF MY SIBLINGS (not my siblings irl, but they were my siblings in the dream, idk who they are really) were like. advisors or whatever, or trying to help one of them realize their vision, and i was like DUHHH THERE'S ONE THAT'S LIKE WAY BETTER THAN THE OTHER but the rest of them were like "umm idk he's kinda bad too" and i was like "holy shit ok but one of them is like clearly way worse"
so yeah i think a lot of it was just me trying to lead the brother A revolution even though it went against a lot of my own values but it was the lesser of two evils
there was another nightmare, not sure if or how it was connected to the first one though
so essentially i was an actor in some guy's play, but he'd always like. diss my character or whatever, so i thought it was just part of the play but it turns out he had beef with me for some reason, like me as a person and so he'd constantly berate me and just make my life worse. so i was like fuck this i'm trying to get out. so i get out and then i go into my own little dreamworld to cope. it was a little world full of whimsy and it was a lot like an rpg where the quests were just me helping out others and i remember there was some sort of meta commentary like "he's mentally ill but he's a good person, look" or some shit like that.
and then i met the creator of terraria and pretty much he shared his vision with me about the game, and he was a really normal guy, but i think he talked about how some characters were just gonna have to suffer, some were just destined to end up certain ways
and i think after that I HAD TO ESCAPE GOD. GOD WAS AFTER ME. i think THAT'S what scared the shit out of me, i remember there was this one bit where i had to pretend i was dead and stop breathing entirely, but of course it fails and god knows i'm alive, so i get up and try and escape again. there's a bit where i hide out in some painter's house, and i think there was him and a bunch of other guys like engineers and writers and shit talking about the world they wanted to make, but one of them was ridiculously bloodthirsty and didn't like how positive i was ?????? it was fucking terrifying and god did everything in their power to give me a fate worse than death but i kept evading it, and then eventually i became god, in my own little head world, and it just got really weird inside that world. the actual dream was so much fucking weirder because i have to say it in a normal sounding way here, but idk how to convey the weirdness properly
it was like i was jumping between media, i didn't feel like i was the same person all the time
also a bit where i had ot try and evade this scary fucking duplicate of me that was my antithesis or some shit and wanted me dead so bad
This was exactly when he passed, by the way. My mother tried to reach me but couldn’t since I was asleep. When I woke up, she told me about what happened, and that I had missed him in his final moments.
The story goes as:
there was, in fact, another dream.