cooking with marley

its meant to be easy its not meant to taste good

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introduction + general notes

i'm a guy in college. like most of my kind, i need to eat but there's roaches in the kitchen and i don't like having to share my space with anyone and sometimes i feel like playing league of legends instead. i almost always cook and eat in my own room and so far it's turning out just fine.

i am ridiculously picky with my food so i tend to eat the same meals for a few days in a row (and prefer doing so, actually) so don't be expecting anything gourmet or high-class, hahaha. anyway, here's a page about what i think about when i'm hungry.

i should also note that i am not a chef at all

in general when following my recipes you will need:

• a rice cooker
• an electric cooker (a regular frypan should work just fine, but i prefer the one i have for its versatility and portability since you don't need a stove. i got mine for 20 bucks)
• shitton of olive oil
• microwave
• to trust your own ability to eyeball ingredients because i never measure them

some general cooking thoughts:

• olive oil makes anything taste good
• you'd have to be okay with eating the same damn thing every day if you want to follow my advice
• personally i eat right out of the cooker. it saves me from doing extra dishes. i also wash the cooker once every day at night; after cooking and eating breakfast and lunch i don't really bother with cleaning it since it's just me using it anyway (and usually there's nothing but just some residual olive oil)
• pay attention to nutrition
• i don't really like using knives because they scare me. instead, i either rip vegetables by hand or use scissors
• if you cook in your room be prepared to have it smell delicious for the rest of the day (and more)
• when cooking with sauce and you would like the sauce to coagulate on the thing (like orange chicken), try just cooking it for longer until you see the sauce stick on the food more and less on the pan

instant smoothie

so the story behind this one is that i accidentally unplugged my fridge and the popsicles i bought ended up melting and refreezing into an incomprehensible mess so i ended up improvising since i didn't want to toss them out

1. take the deformed popsicle out of the bag and put it into a microwave-safe mug large enough that it will not melt outside of the mug
2. microwave it 30 seconds
3. stir evenly. add water to taste. it even comes with a built-in stir rod

something i would like to note is that ice is less dense than water so the resultant amount of smoothie/juice you get will be disappointingly small. that's why you can add water and/or melt multiple popsicles at once

potato rice

honestly pretty damn good tasting. i would eat it every day

1. start cooking the rice about an hour and a half or so in advance-- earlier should be fine. use a rice cooker. it doesn't matter if it gets cold since you'll be heating it up anyway
2. once the rice is done cooking, start making some hashbrowns. i use the frozen ones from the grocery store and just pour olive oil on a pan and heat until crispy
3. (sorry i had brunch) get the rice from the rice cooker and mix it into the pan that you were making the hashbrowns in. crush the hashbrowns and mix evenly with the rice. you may need to add more oil
4. i suggest also adding some vegetables. honestly anything tastes good just stir fry it in

COOKING INCIDENT OCTOBER 3, 2023

i was feeling a little bit of fried salad for lunch and i opened the grossest fucking bag of vegetables ever. checked the date-- oh well. not expired yet. decided to cook with the slimy black slop leaking brown juice anyway because i'm a fucking dumbass. newsflash it tastes like shit and i felt awful for the rest of the day

it turns out that the packaging was damaged which led to the contents decaying a lot faster than they otherwise should. i tossed that shit and scrubbed my pan, but not before consuming half of the disgusting fucking grime. anyway, lessons learned:

• DON'T EAT OLD AND CRAPPY VEGETABLES (cs188 has me obsessed with this phrase)
• if it's expired or rotten, just fucking toss it out. i know nobody likes wasting food but dude it's already wasted the moment it went bad. there's no need to punish yourself by eating it
• you will gain literally nothing by eating gross expired food. it tastes bad and is super awful for your health (fortunately i stir fried it a little so it's not as bad, but it's still nothing you should be doing to yourself so don't try cooking it either)
• check your packages for damage, and make sure to eat things before they go bad

i tried to vomit it out to no avail so i just ate some other stuff and went about my day. i'll update you all on if i die or anything

decent-ish rice cake meal

covers most food categories i think

1. what you'll need: equal parts kale and rice cakes, as many lap cheongs as you want (i usually use 1.5-2), oil
2. boil rice cakes in your electric cooker until desired texture (i don't have a timer for this; it shouldn't take too long though so check in often to see if it's what you want)
3. while the rice cakes are boiling cut up the lap cheongs into small slices
4. strain the water once the rice cakes are done boiling. add cooking oil. add lap cheong slices. then add kale
5. fry it all together. make sure the lap cheongs are cooked. shouldn't take too long just keep an eye on it
6. add salt to taste

signature marley fried kale

patented design and flavour

1. what you'll need: kale, oil (olive preferred, extra virgin olive oil extra preferred)
2. add kale to frying pan
3. add oil
4. fry until a delicious smell is achieved (this is up to your discretion)

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signature marley diluted cherry coke

its like adding bleach to milk! easy to make and not great in taste

1. what you'll need: cherry coke (you can use the offbrand shit), flavoured sparkling water (i used cherry or peach but any flavour should work)
2. add sparkling water
3. add cherry coke

they unironically serve this shit for like 3 bucks a cup at restaurants and shit (they owe me money)

croissants deluxe

this is actually my sister's invention but i'm going to take credit for it anyway

1. what you'll need: any butter croissant, strawberry jam, whipped cream
2. cut open croissant
3. add strawberry jam
4. add whipped cream

they also unironically serve this shit at restaurants for like 15 dollars one croissant. it's piss cheap to make and actually tastes really good though. just as a tip you can buy croissants in bulk, costco has them for like i think pack of 12 for 8 CAD. it might be a bit hard for you to buy bulk if you live alone, but i'm with my big-ass family right now and it's a hit with everyone here so

signature marley washed vegetable

it is so natural and healthy

1. what you'll need: vegetable. usually lettuce works best
2. wash the vegetable
3. consume

fried chicken rice

just when you think it sounds like an actual dish it turns out its just me heating up frozen stuff

1. what you'll need: cherry coke (you can use the offbrand shit), flavoured sparkling water (i used cherry or peach but any flavour should work)
2. add sparkling water
3. add cherry coke

they unironically serve this shit for like 3 bucks a cup at restaurants and shit (they owe me money)